Our God works in strange and wonderful ways.
As this school year comes to an end, I look back at what happened during those now seemingly short months from September to June. These past few months were very, very rough for me. I was dealing with a lot of pain and sadness. I felt that God had forsaken me, I kept praying for his help and guidance, but I never felt that I received it. But Jesus never forsakes us, and I know that now.
In January, I received my driver's permit. For me, it was a small but meaningful victory at a time when I felt all I could do was lose. There was one idea that I got into my head: Road Trip. I would get through the day by thinking about this road trip I could take during the summer, when I got my license. I started to bring a road atlas with me to school every day, and when I felt down, I would take it out and trace my route from Whittier, to anywhere, and everywhere. I wanted to see it all. I was hoping that by having a very specific plan, my parents would be much more open to the idea of me going.
When I brought the idea up to them, I was hopeful, even though I knew the answer. They told me that it was a wonderful idea, but I was just too young. I didn't have enough experience driving, and it wouldn't be safe for me to go by myself. They were right, and I understood, but I was feeling really bad. After our conversation, I went back to my room and sat down; I saw a bible on the side table. I hadn't read my bible for a long time... I opened it to the book of Psalms, specifically chapters 38, 39 and 40. It was at this moment that I knew God was speaking to me. Even as I sit writing about it now, months after it happened, I am getting the chills.
When I looked at the page, my eyes didn't focus on one verse. Instead, it focused on three different passages, all from different areas of the page. Psalms 38:11, Psalms 39:12-13, and Psalms 40:1-3. The second my eyes saw that page, it was literally like those three passages were coming off the page at me, and I know God was showing me them.
Psalms 38:11 My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off.
This verse described to a tee how I was feeling. My lovers and my friends, some of the people who I depend on most, were aloof, or unaware of my pains. And my kinsmen, my family, stand afar off, they can't help me or aren't sure how to help me. God put this verse on my heart to show me that even if the people I am closest to cannot understand, he does. He is aware of my pain, and he is comforting me with his righteous right hand. God opened up my heart after months of pain; he took away my stubbornness and gave me peace. Then, into my now open heart, he put in Psalms 39: 12-13
Psalms 39: 12-13 hear my Prayer, O Lord, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner as all my fathers were. O spare me, that I may recover strength, before I go hence, and be no more.
In my bible, there was a heading above these two verses: The Sojourner's Prayer. I wasn't sure what the word meant, so I looked it up. It means traveler. After opening my heart to him, God placed in it the prayer of the traveler. I was amazed. It couldn't have been more clear to me what God wanted me to do. Even still, he reassured me more.
Psalms 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon the rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it and fear and shall trust in the Lord.
This verse just solidified to me that God was directing me to travel and spread the word. He opened my heart, placed in it the prayer of the traveler, and then showed me he had established my way.
I couldn’t see my feet through the miry clay, I didn’t know where to go, but now God has established my way. He revealed to me that this trip is something we need to do. Luke 10: 2 says "The harvest is plenty, but the laborers are few." I feel like that’s the direction God has pointed me in. To be a laborer for his sake. This whole year I've been praying that God would show me what his path and purpose was for my life. And I felt so discouraged because I couldn’t tell if he was speaking to me or not. But now I know, it’s undeniable for me. I can feel his righteous right hand guiding my way. I don’t know why, I still don’t know what his purpose is for me, but I can feel him directing me. And so I sit here, counting the days until we leave. The Holy Travlin' Trio, ready to spread the Living Water that is Jesus Christ, because my friends, the harvest is plentiful! :)
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